Perspective

So it turns out there are worse things in this world then being pregnant forever. Like what you ask? Losing a child. A lady I know lost her 8 year old son on Monday night to cancer. Leptomeningeal Gliomatosis to be exact. So rare that I can't even find a proper Google link to share. It involves the spinal cord and brain. Griffin was diagnosed in September 2005, fell ill in February 2006 and died Monday night in his mother's arms after a courageous battle. Poor little fella. And he is a twin, so that's gotta be hard on the other little guy too. At the exact moment he was taking his last hard breaths, I was in the hospital whining that I was NOT in labor yet again. Wow. Really makes you think. Obviously this baby WILL come out, but it doesn't have to be any certain day, she will come when she's damn good and ready. And I will love her with all my heart, because no longer will I be wondering when she will arrive, I will be wondering if I get to keep her. Because you just never know. Losing a child would be so incredibly devastating, I just don't have the words to even begin to imagine what that would be like. So I will take my baby girl when she comes to me and hang on for dear life, because who knows....

And while we are on the topic of death and tragedy, today would have been the birthday of my friend and boss, Heather, who died on February 9th 2006. I think about her almost every day, and it's still hard to believe that she's gone. Her illness came on so fast, and she died within 9 months. She was a friend, a wife and the mother of a 9 year old boy, and another boy who went to Heaven at his birth. Seriously...how much can one family take?? A stillborn son, then cancer?? I won't pretend to understand God's plan. All I know is that I am fortunate. Fortunate that I have one healthy child and presumably am due to give birth to another anytime. I have a roof over my head, and food in my refrigerator. I have amazing friends and a family who loves me. I have a fantastic husband who needs a kick in the ass every once in awhile, but he's a man, it goes with the territory.

So as much as I've wanted this baby out already, and hoped she would come on Heather's birthday as a way to honour her, I will wait patiently, because my little Chloe is her own person with her own mind already and maybe she wants a whole day to herself, which ya can't blame a girl for wanting, right?